Archive for May 2014
Seven Secrets for Creating a Care Partners Support Group
“Kindred Spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find there are so many of them in the world.” — Anne of Green Gables
Recently, Ron and I were honored to share stories and ideas with a dementia-focused caregiver support group at Hallmark Cards. Every month, the group welcomes a guest speaker and discusses an interesting aspect of caregiving. The group shares resources, caregiving ideas, family challenges and more.
“To learn how others have managed challenging experiences is so very valuable,” says Gini Toyne, RN, MBA, from Creative Care Consultants, who facilitates the group.
Gini contributed to these tips for creating a monthly support group:
Find Kindred Spirits
Find one or two people who share your situation. Ask them to meet you for breakfast, lunch or coffee.
“Believe me,” Gini says, “when you start sharing and troubleshooting, the group will quickly grow in size and value. You will be amazed at the number of folks who will want to join in. “
Agree on Group Goals and Behaviors
Agree on a regular meeting time. Be flexible: meet by phone or Skype when meeting in person doesn’t work. Agree on a facilitator, who’s dedicated to keeping the group focused and on-topic and who makes sure everyone is heard.
Create a Safe Space for Sharing
Create a safe and confidential atmosphere; agree that you’ll keep all comments and stories confidential and that you’ll listen to each other with openness and empathy. Agree to share ideas and avoid offering unsolicited advice.
Share Caregiving Journeys
Initially, invite group members to tell their caregiving story. Ask someone to write the stories down, so when a new member joins, they can read about the others.
Discuss Challenges, Issues, and Concerns
Ask members to keep a journal of challenges. Invite them to bring one question, challenge or concern to the each gathering. Discuss each person’s issues, managing the time, so everyone has equal chance to be heard.
Share Resources
Save time for questions and discoveries, so members can ask for advice and share resources.
Celebrate and Acknowledge The Journey
Take time to appreciate the energy, innovation and attention each member is offering to their loved one.
Share pieces of wisdom and moments of joy and connection.
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Top Three Ways to Celebrate Mother’s Day When your Mom Has Alzheimer’s
“I don’t know what to do about Mother’s Day,” a friend recently told me. “I used to celebrate with my mother, but Mom doesn’t really recognize me now and the holiday won’t mean anything to her.”
My friend was not alone in her dilemma: according to the Shriver Report, ten million women either have Alzheimer’s or are caring for someone with it.
I’d faced the same issue with my mom as she sank into Alzheimer’s. But I’d decided that celebrating Mother’s Day was important for me and for my family, even if Mom didn’t truly understand what was going on.
Here are three tips I devised for reducing the sadness this holiday can trigger and for substituting a celebration of renewal and connection.
Feel Your Frustration and Grief
The happy-family-candy-and-flowers Mother’s Day television commercials seemed to shout at me: “Your mother is no longer who she used to be!” That was true and a spike of sorrow stabbed at me as I mourned my “normal mom.”
Celebration: Talk about your feelings with empathetic friends; feel your grief and the frustration. Explore ways to express yourself, perhaps through journaling, collaging, stomping about. Or cocoon and immerse yourself in mournful movies and music.
Activate Your Appreciations
My mother could not complete a sensible sentence, cook a simple meal or dress herself. She did not know my name or remember any of my accomplishments or stellar qualities.
Celebration: Notice and appreciate the good in your situation. Even though Mom didn’t remember my name, she also didn’t remember any of my shortcomings. She was no longer critical of my parenting skills and no longer shy to show affection. She had a dazzling smile, a whimsical giggle and an ability to look into my eyes. She was content with who I was, whoever I was. These were qualities to celebrate.
Celebrate Yourself and Your New Relationship
Since my mom could not care for herself, I learned to care for her. Our lives wove together and we became deeply connected, as I emerged from being just a daughter to becoming an advocate, spokeswoman and historian for my mother.
Celebration: On Mother’s Day, I stopped to celebrate myself, my flexibility, my sense of humor, my steadfast feelings of responsibility. I gave myself the gift of time and appreciation.
7 Ways to Concoct a Creative Celebration
Share favorite memories
Tell her favorite life stories
List her opinions, maxims and worries
Sing along to favorite family music
Muse over family photos
Serve up easy comfort foods
Share what you’ve learned from your journey with her
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.