Noticing Your Own Shooting Stars: The Creativity of Being a Care Partner

Several years ago, we spent an evening in Zion National Park in Utah looking for shooting stars.

“There’s one,” someone said.star

“I see it!” someone else said.

I saw only the regular stars, which were also gorgeous but not quite as exciting.

“I can’t see any shooting stars,” I finally confessed.

“Here’s how you spot a shooting star,” our friend Ron told me. “You soften and widen your gaze and stare off into the middle distance. You’re looking at everything and nothing. That way you’re open to that sudden flash of light and movement.”

I didn’t see the flash of light from a shooting star that evening, but I did have an idea flash. Looking for shooting stars is like inviting out creativity. You open up your focus, relax, put yourself in receiving daydreaming mode and wait for something marvelous.

Three Tips for Noticing the Stars

For me, the art of being a care partner was an exceedingly creative endeavor. Much of the time was fraught with focus, dedicated to detail. But when I remembered to soften and widen my gaze, I was able to see my mom for the star she was, even when she seemed light years away.

Here are some tips for your own personal “star-gazing:”  star gaze

Sit quietly with the person who has dementia. If appropriate, hold hands.

Let go of  your history and your expectations. Appreciate her just as she is.

Open your mind and heart: be receptive to whatever flashes of light may come your way.

2 Comments

  1. Martha Stettinius on January 28, 2014 at 11:03 am

    Wonderful! Thank you.

  2. maril crabtree on January 28, 2014 at 5:34 pm

    There’s always something magical about shooting stars. And you’ve made a brilliant comparison here when you talk about being with your loved one as if “being with” a sky full of shooting stars. The whole idea of “being with” in a sense of anticipation, yet non-expectation, is wonderful.

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