Posts Tagged ‘Connecting in the Land of Dementia’

Inside Dementia: Finding Gifts in the Journey

“My husband and I have been married for 53 years,” a woman with delicately curled silver hair and mournful eyes told the group.  “But in the two years since he was diagnosed with dementia, our relationship has changed.” She dabs at her eyes with a tissue and takes a breath. “It has grown even stronger. We are closer than we’ve ever been.”

Ron and I were in a conference room of caregivers in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, presenting for the Greater Indiana Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. We had just shared my story, Love in the Land of Dementia, and we were all talking about the gifts we have found in the dementia journey.

Another woman, whose husband was newly diagnosed, talked about her frustration and impatience before the diagnoses.

“Now that I understand what is going on, I have vowed to be more patient. I don’t want to waste a minute of our time together.”

“My husband doesn’t know who I am right now,” another woman said. “But the other day, he gave me such a compliment. He told me, ‘I want to marry you.’”

She told us how she rummaged in her cedar chest and showed her husband their marriage certificate. He read it with interest. Then he looked at her, eyes shining, and repeated, “I want to marry you.” Those words, so filled with love, lifted her spirits immeasurably. “To think that even now, when he doesn’t remember much of our lives together, he still loves me so much, that means a lot to me.”

She smiled, as we all applauded this amazing love.

We heard more stories of amazing love at our earlier presentation in Merrillville, Indiana. When we talked about the gifts and blessings we had each discovered in the dementia journey, one woman told us, “I find it an honor to take care of my mother. She has done so much for me and I am lucky to get to care for her right now. I am glad to be able to show my unconditional love for her.”

People shared many blessings—patience, the increased ability to live in the present, gratitude, flexibility, humor—but a deepening of love was the overarching message. We felt it during our own caregiving journeys, and we felt it deeply in the presence of those caregivers.

 

“The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.”      Helen Keller 

To learn more about the work the Greater Indiana Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association is doing, please visit : https://www.alz.org/indiana/

Deborah Shouse is the author of Connecting in the Land of Dementia: Creative Activities to Explore Together and Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.

CITLOD very smallLove in the Land of Dementia_cover

Sharing Ideas for Staying Connected

“How do we stay connected during the dementia journey?”  This is a question with dozens of creative answers. Recently, we spent time at Northland Shepherd Center, hosted by Dianna Englander. We  were sharing ideas for staying connected with the Together We Care Caregiver Support Group, a lovely gathering of family caregivers and friends.  

Caregiving is such a creative practice, demanding flexibility, humor, and the willingness to make mistakes and try again. We discussed ideas from Connecting in the Land of Dementia, including incorporating singing, laughter, and art into everyday life. We also explored the power of nature and talked about unique concepts for bringing the outdoors inside.  We brainstormed different ways we could prepare food together and connect in the kitchen.

Here are some extra ideas we learned from our audience. I’ve changed the names to protect people’s privacy.

Anne’s father, who was normally very active, became very upset when his care facility had to temporarily curtail his movements, due to a flu outbreak.

“I want to go to the hospital,” he told the care staff repeatedly. Finally, they called Anne and asked her to come over.

“Dad was just wild,” she told us. “So I asked him to take a deep breath with me, and told him we were going to watch a basketball game before we problem-solved.” They watched an hour of basketball, which soothed both of them.

“I want to go to the hospital,” her father said.

“Why?” she asked.

“So I won’t feel alone,” he said. “I’m scared to be alone.”

Anne realized how social her father was, always walking down the hallways, greeting people, spending time visiting. She instantly began to problem solve, getting permission to walk down the corridors, wearing protective masks, gathering phone numbers of her father’s friends at the home, so he could call them.

“Taking a break and doing something soothing first really helped us figure out the problem and then solve it,” she said.

…………………….

Before her dementia advanced, Sandra’s friend loved singing in the church choir. Now, when Sandra visits her, her friend frequently asked the same question over and over. Sandra turns to beloved hymns they both know so well and when her friend becomes anxious, starts singing to change the energy. Soon, they are both singing, as they have for so many years, the old hymns guiding them back to a deep connection.

…………………….

Patriotic songs inspired Alvin’s father, Fred. So often, Fred literally tuned out the singers who came to entertain at his memory care community. One day, the group began singing “The Star Spangled Banner,” Instantly, Fred stood and put his hand over his heart. He sang along and kept standing and singing through all the familiar patriotic melodies. Afterwards, he talked about his time in the service, breaking his usual stoic silence.

At the end, we all felt a sense of renewal and companionship. Sharing these important creative ideas had enriched our lives and inspired us anew.

I’d love to hear your ideas for staying connected. Please email me at myinfo@pobox.com.

For more information about the Northland Shepherd Center, visit http://northlandsc.org/about-nsc.html

Deborah Shouse is the author of Connecting in the Land of Dementia: Creative Activities to Explore Together and Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.

CITLOD very small

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five Creative Tips for Meaningful Engagement

 

Each person I interviewed for Connecting in the Land of Dementia inspired me with something meaningful and unique. I wanted to share a few of their ideas with you.

Before I do, here’s a question: What does the song FrimFram Sauce, the recipe for Johnny Marzimagesetti, and cooking have to do with creativity and dementia? Join us Sunday October 9th at 1:30 at the Kansas City Plaza Library to find out!  RSVP 816-701-3407

The Often Hidden Poetic Potential

“Value what people with dementia are saying, write it down, tape record it, affirm them when they say interesting or beautiful things because that's their personality showing through in a new way,” says John Killick, internationally acclaimed poet, workshop leader, and author of  Communication And The Care Of People With Dementia.

Even though he’s been orchestrating workshops for years, John is still amazed at the strength of the imaginative spirit and at the quality of the poetry.

images-1“Creativity is essential to people with dementia,” John believes. “It bypasses the intellect, provides valuable experiences, and enhances their sense of personhood.”

 

 

Making Art Soothes and Engages

“Research is now recognizing how making art soothes, and engages people with dementia,” says Shelley Klammer, artist, therapist and the author of the e-book How to Start An Art Program for the Elderly. “Imagery often expresses what words cannot. A pre-drawn structure allows an anxious painter to relax into the process. Painting familiar subject matter can help a person with dementia settle into a pleasurable, meditative state.”

Uncovering and Celebrating Creativity

“Our basic instincts include discovery and invention, and thus creativity,” says John Zeisel, PhD, author of  I’m Still Here: A New Philosophy of Alzheimer’s Care. “These abilities are hard-wired and people living with dementia can still draw on these skills. They are often exceptionally perceptive, increasingly creative, and have high emotional intelligence. It’s our job to uncover and embrace their abilities so they maintain dignity, independence, and self-respect.”

The Delight of Going to Cultural Activities and Viewing Art imgres

“Looking at art and making observations gives people living with dementia a chance to exercise their imagination and creativity,” says Susan Shifrin, PhD, director, ARTZ Philadelphia. “Many people with dementia have a heightened sensitivity and openness to art, even if they had no previous artistic aptitude.”

“Going to cultural activities offers people a sense of normalcy and gives them a date to put on their calendars,” says Teri Miller, with the Alzheimer's Association Houston & Southeast Texas Chapter. Teri has witnessed the power of creativity and the arts. As the Early Stage Program Manager she says. “When people living with dementia go with friends or care partners, they have an experience to discuss. Even people who say, ‘Oh, I don’t care for museums,’ usually have a great time.”

Deborah Shouse is the author of Connecting in the Land of Dementia: Creative Activities to Explore Together and Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.

CITLOD very small

Love in the Land of Dementia_cover