Taking Care of Yourself
Three Secrets for Maximizing Your Meals and One Tip for Increasing Your Energy
Wouldn’t it be lovely to nourish and nurture ourselves at the same time? My friend Lisa Everett Andersen is a clinical pharmacist and a board-certified clinical nutritionist. She believes how we eat impacts our nutritional well-being. Her ideas have helped me maintain my energy and savor my food, even when I’m stressed and certain I have no time to spare.
- Give thanks. Scientific studies show that blessing the food has a physical impact, raising its vibrational energy level and improving the way you receive the nourishment. Before you take a bite, you can give thanks to the plants and animals, and to those who grew, harvested, and prepared the meal. You can also honor yourself and give thanks for your own role in procuring, preparing, and serving.
- Sit up straight. No one wants a kinky digestive tract! Proper posture takes away the twists and turns and aids in digestion.
- Make the most of your dining (or snacking) experience. Slow down and bring your attention to the food. Notice its color, texture, and aroma. Take a bite, hold it in your mouth, and truly experience the taste. Of course, the primary reason you eat is to get energy to the cell’s mitochondria. But you also eat for pleasure. Chewing your food well is a crucial first step for digestion and a great source of pleasure. When the food is on your tongue longer, you better appreciate its deliciousness and you are sooner satiated.
- Boost Your Flagging Energy with a Shot of H2O. When your energy falters and flags in the later afternoon (or even sooner), dehydration is the most common culprit. Get out your purified water and drink deeply. This magical liquid doesn’t just lift up your energy—it also hydrates, cleanses, detoxifies, and alkalinizes your body.
For more about Lisa and her work, visit obrienrx.com/
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Taking a Dose from the Culinary Pharmacy
“Did you remember to pack my medication?” I ask Ron.
We are sitting in our dining room, eating breakfast before taking off on a trip to the Black Hills.
“I did,” he says, swallowing the last bite of his omelet. “Do you need any right now?”
“Maybe just a small dose.”
Ron dashes upstairs to his secret cache of very important stuff and extracts the vital substance. He returns and hands me a small chunk of rich dark chocolate. This is my self- prescribed treatment for many of life’s challenges, both at home and on the road, including craving sweets, sour stomach, homesickness, and worry.
For years, I’ve felt dark chocolate is important. But I didn’t understand how vital it really is until my brother Dan generously sent us a copy of Rebecca Katz’s new creation, The Healthy Mind Cookbook. Rebecca is an accomplished chef, author, national speaker, and director of the Healing Kitchens Institute. In this intriguing cookbook, she includes a glorious piece of prose she titles The Culinary Pharmacy, where she cites brain boosting foods and their healthy properties. The triumphant sounds of the Hallelujah Chorus seem to envelope me as I read the words “Dark chocolate” in her healing list. Avocadoes, cashews, mint, lemon, peaches, and strawberries, are among the other fabulous foods that boost our brains while managing to taste delicious. I am so impressed with the Culinary Pharmacy and with Rebecca’s friendly recipes that I reach out to her, to see what simple tips she has for busy care partners.
Though she is in the middle of a book tour, training a new puppy, and meeting a book deadline (her newest book on Soups is coming out in 2017), she graciously agrees to talk to me. Her father lived with dementia and the topics of brain healthy eating and using foods to engage with people are very dear to her.
First I give her a short quiz, which she aces.
“Guess what section of your book I read first?” I ask.
She ponders for about two seconds, then says, “The Sweet Bites section.”
“I earmarked the Chocolate Cherry Walnut Truffles,” I confess.
“I took these truffles with me when I testified in front of a White House committee on dementia and food,” she says. “I wanted people to understand that we all need to experience healthy and flavorful foods.”
She tells me how preparing and cooking interesting foods together can help care partners stay engaged and connected. (For more details on that interview, please wait patiently until October 2016, when my new book on dementia and creative arts emerges. I’ll feature experts on cooking, music, gardening, storytelling, arts, and more!)
After a heartfelt conversation, Rebecca makes a very sweet gesture. She invites me to include the famed Chocolate Cherry Walnut Truffle recipe. She also gives me a tip for instant gratification.
“Instead of cooling the chocolate mixture for two hours before roll them into truffles, you can stick them into the freezer for 15 minutes. (After they are rolled and ready to eat you can store leftovers in the freezer)” Which is just what Ron and I do. And they are absolutely so healing and mouthwatering that I am considering adding them to my emergency “medications” list.
Here is the recipe from Rebecca’s book:
CHOCOLATE CHERRY WALNUT TRUFFLES
MAKES ABOUT 20 TRUFFLES • PREP TIME: 15 minutes • COOK TIME: 21/4 hours or 15 minutes if you place the chocolate mixture in the freezer.
My dad, Jay, had this delightful habit; whenever you told him something that struck his fancy, he’d
roar, “That’s FANTASTIC!” and gleefully clap his hands for emphasis. This was doubly true if you
told him he was getting chocolate for dessert. Jay never met a piece of chocolate he didn’t like, and
I have a feeling that just hearing what’s in these truffles—dates, cherries, and walnuts, smothered
in chocolate, rolled in coconut and curry—would’ve given him cause to offer up a standing ovation.
Studies suggest walnuts may boost memory, while chocolate, as we all know, is the ultimate mood boosting
agent. One bite of this dessert and you’d be hard-pressed to feel any stress.
Ingredients:
2 tablespoons boiling water
2 ounces dark chocolate
(64 to 72% cacao content),very finely chopped
1/2 cup walnuts
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1 cup pitted and halved Medjool dates
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Sea salt
1/4 cup finely diced dried cherries
2 tablespoons shredded coconut
1/4 teaspoon curry powder
Stir the boiling water into the chopped chocolate and let it stand for 30 seconds. Using a small whisk, stir until the chocolate is completely melted and glossy. Coarsely grind the walnuts in a food processor, then add the cocoa powder, dates, vanilla, and 1/8 teaspoon of salt, and process for a minute. Then add the chocolate mixture and process until smooth, another minute. Transfer to a bowl and stir the cherries into the chocolate mixture.
Cover and chill for approximately 2 hours, in the refrigerator or 20 minutes in the freezer until firm. On a plate, mix the coconut, curry powder, and a pinch of salt. Scoop up approximately 2 teaspoons of the chilled chocolate mixture and roll it into a smooth ball between your palms, then roll it in the curried coconuts to coat. Repeat with the remaining mixture, then place the truffles in an airtight container and chill thoroughly before serving.
COOK’S NOTE: If you want to give the truffles a golden hue, toast the coconut in a 300°F oven for 10 to 15 minutes. For a more distinctive taste, add another ¼ teaspoon of curry powder.
To learn more about Rebecca, her books, speaking, and to get great tips on healthy foods, please visit her website at Rebeccakatz.com
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Four Riveting Reasons to Wield the Mighty Pen
Psychologist Don Wendorf wrote Caregiver Carols: an Emotional, Musical Memoir to help other caregivers cope with their feelings and to help himself. Writing was cathartic for Don and it offered him insight and understanding into his caregiving journey. Don says, “I always encouraged my therapy clients to keep a journal and I have now experienced for myself just how helpful this is. The whole endeavor of creating something is very life-giving and essential.” Here are a few tips for caregivers from Don:
Nurture Yourself
Take care of yourself the best you possibly can. Do as much as you can that nurtures your body, soul and mind. Exercise like a fiend. Go out with friends. Do creative stuff. Feed your faith. Avoid burnout at all costs. Seek out, accept and ask for even more help than you think you need or want.
Reach Out for Feedback and Support
Rely on people you trust to give you feedback about how you’re doing and if you’re looking burned out. They may be able to see what you can’t or won’t. Talk to other caregivers who know this path and use local or online support groups. Express your feelings to others and let them support and comfort and care for you. Man, it feels good.
Jilt Perfectionism
Let go of perfection and forgive yourself and your caregivee when you goof up, which you ARE going to do.
Explore and Express Your Emotions
Look beneath your anger and see what layers of emotion it may be covering up: anxiety, ambivalence, fear, sadness, resentment, helplessness, hopelessness, depression, remorse, guilt, regret, loneliness, neediness. I think the biggest for me was GRIEF: I was slowly losing the love of my life. Express your feelings. There is absolutely nothing unmanly about it and you are then less likely to use anger as a blanket emotion. So, Caregiver Guys: Man Up!
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Making a List of What’s Going Right
I started my gratitude practice as my mother was wading into dementia, as a way to stay connected, compassionate, and sane. The more I notice the good things, the happier I seem to be. I really resonated with this blog from my friend Karen Rowinsky and I wanted to share it with you.
Making a List of What’s Going Right
From Guest Blogger Karen Rowinsky
Feeling overwhelmed?
Can’t catch a break?
Nothing seems to be going your way?
If you are having one of those days, weeks, or months, this tip is for you.
Instead of reciting to yourself, or others, the list of events that are stressing you out, try documenting the things that are going right.
Start with real things that are going right like:
- Even though my head hurts, my feet don’t.
- I don’t know where the mortgage payment will come from but at least no one in the family is sick.
- My spouse is really getting on my nerves but at least I know he or she will be there in a pinch.
- Stress at work is getting me down but it’s not raining and I can get outside for a breather.
Once you have gotten some “at leasts…..” on your list, then begin adding things that are positive or funny:
- I have good friends.
- My dog loves me.
- I have food to eat today.
- I’m having a good hair day.
- No one has “unfriended” me on Facebook lately.
I’m not making light of your troubles. I am suggesting a way that you can get some relief during a time that is challenging. Self care even for a few minutes is better than none. #
Karen Rowinsky, LSCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker.
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Trusting The Loss Of Your Identity
I met Mary O’Malley when I interviewed her for an article in Natural Awakenings Magazine. She inspired me then and she continues to inspire me. I am honored to share an abridged version of her post with you.
Trusting The Loss Of Your Identity
From Guest Blogger Mary O’Malley, author of What’s In the Way IS the Way
A friend of mine lost her husband about a year ago. She was his caretaker for many years, and before that, she cared for her ailing parents. She feels like she doesn’t know who she is anymore and is trying to figure out what she is supposed to be doing next. She feels like her identity has been taken away. I believe just the opposite is happening. Life has taken away the caretaker role so she can get to know who she really is.
I too have experienced what it is like to have the old identity ripped away. It feels like a butterfly whose wings are wet and cannot move. Often times our self-worth is tied to how much we accomplish or how much we can get done. When part of our identity is taken away from us, it is painful and scary. And our poor little mind goes crazy because it has always found a sense of safety through the illusion that it is in control. The mind is a tool for maneuvering through reality, but it is not reality.
I believe Life is preparing us for being birthed back into the vast spaciousness of who we truly are. But, it can be confusing and scary for the ego. As the Tibetan Lama Chögyam Trungpa Rinoche says, “If there were no confusion, there would be no wisdom. Chaos should be regarded as really good news.” When we lose a part of our old identify, there can be so much confusion and grief that it feels like death. But, actually something new is being born. Remember that, although birth is wonderful, it is not neat and pretty. A human birth has pee and poop and blood, and it is painful. So it is important to do our Lamaze breathing, whether we are birthing a child or Life is birthing us! We can resist this process, or we can recognize that Life knows what it is doing as it takes this away and that away.
The next time you feel challenged, try asking Life for help by saying, “Help me through this passage, and show me how to see what you are showing me so I can be healed to my core.”
To read the entire blog, visit: http://www.maryomalley.com/2015/04/05/trusting-the-loss-of-your-identity-2/
To be further inspired by Mary and her work, visit: http://www.maryomalley.com/books/
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Creative Splashes
Sometimes I am around many creative people and I soak up their energy and ideas. Other days, I work alone. On those solitary days, I use these quote to inspire and ignite my creative spirit.
“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.” ― Kurt Vonnegut
“To be creative means to be in love with life. You can be creative only if you love life enough that you want to enhance its beauty. You want to bring a little more music to it, a little more poetry to it, a little more dance to it.” ― Osho
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.” ― Martha Graham
“The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.” — Alan Alda
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Three Warning Signs and Three Simple Actions to Soothe Care Partner Breakdown
“I keep thinking I should do more to help Mom as her Alzheimer’s progresses,” a friend recently told me. “I visit Mom in Chicago every month but I worry that’s not enough. Yet I have my work and my family here in Kansas City. I’m torn in two and the stress is eating me up.”
It’s so difficult to be a long distance care partner. I was lucky: my parents moved close to me when Mom was diagnosed with dementia. Yet even though I was nearby, I shared some of the stresses my friend described. My stomach hurt most of the time. As I dashed around the house, getting ready to go see Mom in the Memory Care Unit, I frequently bumped into furniture. I found myself mentally drifting away during meetings and unable to concentrate when I sat at the computer to write. And even though I had wonderful, supportive friends, I often felt an aching loneliness. Later, I learned these were normal symptoms of caregiver’s fatigue.
I asked my friend Linda Moore, psychologist, community leader, and author of the book, “What’s Wrong with Me?” to tell me more about recognizing and managing such exhaustion. Here are some of her insights.
Three Areas Where Stress Screeches You to a Halt
Physical
“Your body is the early warning system,” Linda says. “But most people try to ignore the on-going tiredness, low energy, muscle spasms, unfamiliar aches and pains, and GI issues.”
Emotional and Spiritual
Often, after I’d spent hours solving problems around Mom’s care, I had a heavy feeling of disconnection and a dull anger. Nothing mattered and I felt sad, rootless, and lonely. But I kept going.
“Care partners tend to push past their feelings,” Linda says.
Behavioral
“Poor concentration is one common sign of stress,” Linda says. When friends say, “You’re just not acting like yourself,” it’s a cue to slow down and drink a cup of soothing tea, read a short magazine article, or phone a friend. Other stress symptoms include procrastination and isolating yourself.
Fight Breakdown with the MEE Plan
“Meditate, even if it’s just for a minute,” Linda advises.
Sit quietly, count to four as you breathe in and count to six as you breathe out. Watch your thoughts wiggle around. One minute of meditation calms you, five minutes energize you, and twenty minutes of daily meditation can center you and give you a greater sense of well-being.
Exercise
“Everybody knows it works and no one wants to do it,” Linda says. Even when you’re so tuckered out that your fingernails feel heavy, movement matters. Five minutes just walking around the house or prancing around to “Dancing Queen” can ratchet up your energy. Fifteen minutes of walking can lift your mood. Even a jog up stairs or unloading the dishwasher can shift your energy.
Eat healthy
Is a banana really as delicious as a dark chocolate truffle? Many would say no. But most would agree, the banana is better for you. Even if you often eat on the run, choose fruits and vegetables to snack on. Throw in salads, soups and nuts. And don’t forget the truffle: be sure you indulge every so often in a comfort food you really adore.
Lastly, Linda advises, “Don’t give away your personal power: ask for help when appropriate and learn to say no.”
For more information about keeping your personal power and reducing stress, visit
Dr. Linda Moore is a psychologist, author, speaker and consultant in Kansas City. She specializes in the psychology of women, stress management, and leadership.
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Marching Forth on March 4th
“What is the only day of the year that commands you to go forward?”
This was the riddle printed beneath the cartoon that cradled the fragrant pink piece of Dubble Bubble chewing gum. I sucked up the sweet gum juice as I read the answer: March Forth. (March Fourth.)Then I proceeded to practice the art of blowing a bubble within a bubble. But that vital bit of gummy trivia stayed with me.
March Fourth always seems like an important date, an unsung holiday.
I tried everything in my power to encourage my first daughter, due on March 7, to emerge on that auspicious day, including taking a long walk and going on a bumpy Jeep ride. Alas, she lingered until the fifth.
Now, I celebrate the day by creating a collage that proclaims how I want to March Forth through the year. This collage may sing with travel photos or contain inspiring words or picture a best selling book or depict meaningful family relationships:I try to put my vision for my higher self on the page.
As part of this year’s March Forth, I have gathered some quotes that inspire and guide me and that I’ll be using to go forward during 2015. Here’s to Marching Forth towards living your life’s purpose.
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Four Insights for Connecting with Cooking
“Mom, are you ready to help me make your famous meatloaf recipe?’ Stacy asked. Stacey was in town for the weekend, visiting her mom, Alice, and giving her sister a break from caregiving.
Stacy had wanted to take Alice out to eat, but her sister told her, “Mom can get pretty overwhelmed and confused when she’s around a lot of people. Why don’t you stay home and cook with her?”
Her sister was a nurse and seemed at ease with Alice’s diminished memory. But Stacy bit her lip when her sister suggested cooking.
“Think of a family recipe,” her sister advised. “Get all the ingredients organized beforehand and make sure the room is quiet and Mom has a comfortable chair. Once Mom gets started, she can do quite a bit. Just don’t rush her.”
It just so happened Stacy had been craving her mother’s famous meatloaf. That evening, she watched the news while she laid out the bowls, utensils, and ingredients on the table.
“A feast!” Alice exclaimed, as she shuffled into the kitchen. Stacy clicked off the television and said, “It will be a feast, Mom. It’s your meatloaf recipe. Will you help me make it?”
“You used to help me. In Provincetown,” Alice said.
Stacy’s eyes misted. Sometimes her mom didn’t seem to know who Stacy was and when that happened, Stacy could barely breathe.
“You stood on a chair,” her mom said.
“Wearing Grandma’s apron.” Stacy could see the apron, a frilly flowered chintz with a red ribbon sash.
“This is your grandmother’s recipe,” Alice said. “She lived in Boston, you know, with her older sister.” As she reminisced, Alice cracked and whipped the egg. Then she poured the mixture onto the beef and blended it in with her hands. She sprinkled the breadcrumbs into the meat, added a handful of her secret ingredient—raisins– and plenty of pepper, then mixed it all together.
Stacy gave her mother the pan and Alice expertly shaped the loaf. Then she noticed her messy hands and wiped them on her slacks. “Am I eating dinner with you? Where is the other one?”
“She is out with friends tonight. And yes, you are eating dinner with me.”
“What time will your father get here?”
Stacy looked carefully at her widowed mom and wondered what she should answer.
“It’s just you and me tonight, Mom.”
“Don’t forget the parsley,” Alice said.
While the meatloaf cooked, Stacy brought over some bread dough she’d thawed earlier. Alice had been a phenomenal baker and Stacy still remembered the scintillating taste of her mom’s cinnamon rolls. When Alice saw the dough, she began to knead it. As she kneaded, she talked about the types of bread she’d made when she was a girl. “Even sourdough,” Alice said. “Our cousin brought a starter from San Francisco and we were all a buzz.”
“Which cousin, Mom?”
“Oh that Gertrude. You remember her, always dolled up and always flirting with the men. But she could bake a good dinner roll.”
“What was your favorite thing to bake?”
Alice slid her hands over the rolling pin and rolled the dough thin. Then she tore it into little tadpole shapes, one of their favorite childhood treats.
“Remember, Stacy doesn’t like hers burned,” her mom cautioned.
Stacy smiled.
Even though her mother ate little and fell asleep at the dinner table, Stacy felt like the evening was a success.
“Cooking together can help family members connect in the kitchen,” says Kate Williams, LMSW,Care Counselor/Social Worker, Henry Ford Health System Collaborative, Alzheimer’s Association Greater Michigan Chapter. “The act of preparing food can draw on long term memory and trigger activities people have done in the past.”
Since the care partner needs to make meals anyway, working together offers a low-stress way to accomplish a task and a chance to relive family and food memories. People want to be useful and have a purpose; Kate believes creating food for and with someone meets that need.
For a successful cooking experience, Kate offers these tips:
· When designing cooking activities, consider the person and their current skills. Make sure the number of steps is appropriate to his or her level of memory loss.
· Give them as much independence as possible and be ready to help as needed.
· Create an environment with few distractions.
· Prepare the food and cooking utensils, so everything is at the ready. If possible, using the same type of equipment they used in the past.
Even for those who can’t really follow directions, the sensory experience of handling food can be connective and comforting. Cooking projects engage the senses, invite memories, offer a sense of completion and purpose, and are nurturing for both care partners.
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.
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Stepping into Your Own Caregiving Pilgrimage
“For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart…and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length–and there I travel looking, looking breathlessly.” Carlos Castaneda
I love this image of looking breathlessly: so many times during our pilgrimage through dementia with my mother and later with Ron’s parents, we had that spark of wonder and connection that transcended all else.
Of course, other times we felt like we’d lost the path and were disconnected from our creative selves. During such times of uncertainty and struggle, I like to seek out inspiring people. I recently had the privilege of interviewing two such women and I wanted to share the experience with you.
Please click here and join Maggie Finefrock and Lydia Smith on a fascinating spiritual pilgrimage. Then take their tips and create your own “everyday” pilgrimage.
“Your soul knows the geography of your destiny and the map of your future. Trust this side of yourself. It will take you where you need to go but it will also teach you a kindness of rhythm in your journey.” John O’Donohue Wisdom
Deborah Shouse is the author of Love in the Land of Dementia: Finding Hope in the Caregiver’s Journey.